This is what a dozen pillowcases look like...
I picked something festive so you wouldn't be overwhelmed or frightened....
You are probably wondering why I've chosen to focus on pillowcases as the subject of a rant. Well here's why, because that harmless looking pile of pillowcases would take me about five days to get pillows squeezed into them.
Yes.
It's true.
Years of education. Years of acquiring points facts and skills. And yet I am completely unable to successfully put a pillowcase on a pillow.
I have tried for years. It's the worse part of the bed making process. The easiest part of folding the sheets becomes the most difficult part of using them. I literally must always enlist the help of someone if I want the job done right.
It's a showdown:
vs.
No matter how hard I try I can never get the seams of the pillowcases to properly align with the pillow itself. I twist and turn and nothing happens. I shove my arm in there to redirect the pillow only to find my arm is too short. I'm up to my shoulder in pillowcase while the pillow is still 3/4 out of the case. Well of course! How can the pillow possibly fit while I'm all up in it.
Around this time I get mad. I've already wasted five minutes trying to figure out which way the fitted sheet goes. Another five determining which side is up on the extra sheet. So I begin shaking the pillowcase, with what little bit of pillow is in there. Hoping the magic of air and motion will get the pillow in its case. One of two things usually happens:
1. Nothing. The pillow and its case are not at all convinced that they belong together and remain unaffected by the violent shaking.
2. What little success I had had up to that point was done in vain- the pillow falls out.
If nothing happens I normally take a slight more forceful approach and begin slams the pillow/pillowcase onto the bed. In any step of the process, should the pillow fall it, it's pretty obvious I throw a fit and walk away.
About half way in the case, I realize I have the tag side out.
I need to start over.
At this point I probably have already had a fit at least twice. I hate pillowcases.* This includes pillow fights....
..... because undoubtedly the feathers will come out and I have a fear of them stabbing me in the eye that's similar to my hay fear.
I should also note, that I would not recommend shaking, hitting, or swinging the pillow/pillowcase. All it does it fluff the pillow, making it even harder to fit into the case.
Twenty minutes will go by. Thirty... I'll give up and come back.... then finally... finally I'll get the pillow in the case.
After what seems like hours and many indignities I have successful put one pillow in one case.
One down, three to go...
But here's the real kicker. Regardless of how perfect I finally put the pillow in the case, halfway through the night the pillow seems to slide right out of the case!
Now, I ask you, what does that say about pillowcase design? Did you know you can actually go to school for packaging engineering? It's true. I know someone that's doing it; it's the real deal. So why if people are spending all this time focused on proper packaging has no one improved the pillowcase? Are you saying it's perfectly designed?
My suggestion? Velcro. Sure it's loud as hell, but two, three sides of velcro on a pillowcase... now who's wasting time putting pillows in their cases? Or zippers. Shove that pillow in there, zip around the edge and you're good to go.
My god I focus on the most insane nonsense.
*Except when used as candy collectors or filled with random objects and used as a weapon.
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